Sink the Pink
by SITHE
Summary: The REAL story of how Aeris died........
1.

TITLE: Sink the Pink  
AUTHOR: S~I~T~H~E  
EMAIL: [spirit_in_the_heavens_entrapped@hotmail.com][1]  
RATING: PG-13  
FANDOM: Final Fantasy VII  
SUMMARY: The real story of Aeris' *ahem* _sad_ demise.  
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing. Squaresoft is God.  
NOTES: Anti-Aeris, so if that's not your thing turn back now. […] denotes Cloud's thoughts.

[He's late!!] That was all Cloud could think as he desperately tried to stall for time. They had already reached the stepping-stones. [What's keeping him? Well, that's what you get for hiring the cheapest assassin on the list . Stupid &*%&^$£")(!!!!!]

"Cloud ,are you OK?"

"What! Oh…yeah, I'm fine, Tifa."

"Oh, OK…..so are we going to go across and see Aeris or what?"

"Yeah - yeah, let's go see her."

[Damn man, what are you saying? That &%$£* you hired isn't here yet, and more importantly, Aeris isn't dead. Oh well, if you want a job done properly, do it yourself - here goes!]

Cloud crossed the stones, went up to Aeris, drew his sword over his head and prepared to strike …

"Cloud !!!!!!!"

**$%£*&^ hell spikey-boy - you need a explanation, fast!** [Shut up! Get out of my head you stupid ^&*()^%$£ !] ** No, I'm your inner voice.** [Yeah right, you're just £$%^&*&&^^ Sephiroth !!]

"Cloud , you were under Sephiroth's control , you tried to kill Aeris !!"

[Thank God for women's intuition. It saved me having to make up an excuse .]

Suddenly Sephiroth crashed though the ceiling. Aeris fell down to the floor. [At long $£*&^%^ last !] Then to his horror he saw that Aeris wasn't dead. Sephiroth missed! He was stuck on his Masamune two meters behind Aeris, she was only unconscious because the plank of wood that Sephiroth broke hit her on the head. This called for desperate measures. Cloud slipped a red orb into one of the slots in his Buster Sword, and chanted. Suddenly a bunch of dancing horses appeared, including Barret in a horse costume.

Back at the good old Avalanche H.Q : 

"Cait, where did Daddy go?" 

"How the hell should I know, Marlene?" 

"But he was right here playing Resident Evil a minute ago and then he disappeared !" 

"Huh? Oh no, call the fubey!" 

"Do you mean the F.B.I?" 

"Er…yeah." 

"Silly kitty!" 

"Hey, I'm not really a cat!" 

"You're not?" Marlene started crying her head off. Suddenly Barret appeared in a puff of smoke . 

"Hey! Pussy foo what yo done to mah girl?" 

"Could you repeat that in English ?" 

Back to the plot: 

"Hey guys, look! A load of dancing horses!" 

[Now that I've got the diversion, let's prepare the body.] Cloud took out a red felt-tip and drew red on the sword and Aeris's head. 

"Oh no, look - Aeris is dead! I know, let's sink her in that lake just for the hell of it; and if she happens not to be dead she'll drown, that way we save on funeral expenses!" 

"Cool." 

[Finally the world is safe we can go home once we sink this %$&^$ .] So Cloud dropped her body in the lake, but just before she sank out of view something strange happened - the giant indestructible Magicarp that had disappeared from the staircase rose up from the pool and swallowed her. 

Cloud woke up, sweat dripping from his forehead. [Why am I having nightmares about killing Aeris? It had to be the right thing to do, she was going to destroy the world like she did Midgar with BOB the evil cutesy flower demon! She was pure evil!]

"Give me a number, give me a number !" Cloud yelled in confusion. 

"2 walking sticks - 77!" 

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
CAITSITHWHATAREYOUDOINGINMYBEDROOM!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!" 

"It's a gag." 

"Oh, right ." 

Cloud put on his incredibly dorky reading glasses. Cait Sith burst out laughing as Cloud leafed though the script . 

"Oh yes, here it is ... cough cough -  
CAITSITHWEARENOTPLAYINGBINGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" 

[Is it just me or is everything going wrong for me today? Maybe I'm just having a nightmare and any second now Cid and Barret are going to announce their engagement .] 

"Cloud dear, come on - we're going to be late for Cid and Barret's engagement party !" 

[I knew it, I am dreaming.] 

"Cait Sith….." 

"Yes?" 

"I'm doing an experiment, would you mind hitting me with something?" 

"Why certainly." 

Cait Sith pulled a bazooka from thin air and loaded it with a cannon ball. 

**"kaboooooooooooooooooooooooooooom!"**

~"Did I put enough Os in for it to be funny Mr Author ?" 

"No! Bad pussy !" 

"Hey, I'm not really a cat." 

"You're not?" * Author runs off crying * ~ 

Cloud fell down. [Oh &^*$£.] 

**End of Part 1**

Author *in a cheesy TV commentator's voice* - Will anything actually happen? 

Sephiroth - Yes! 

Author - Grrr! ANYway.... Will the evil slut of doom be resurrected for no apparent reason and start a prozzy agency? 

Aeris - Like, how did you guess? Hee hee hee hee! 

Author - Will you lot shut up? These are open questions! Hec hem..... Will any other characters appear? 

Rude *appearing from nowhere* - …………………. 

Author - Thank you . Tune in for the next episode of Sink the Pink. It'll be really boring. 

Review please! ¬_¬ 

   [1]: mailto:spirit_in_the_heavens_entrapped@hotmail.com



	2. the rubish about Cloud and Vincent that ...

TITLE: Sink the Pink. Part 2:The pointless rubbish about Vincent and Cloud that doesn't really move the plot on at all but is fun anyway. 

AUTHOR: S~I~T~H~E

EMAIL: [spirit_in_the_heavens_entrapped@hotmail.com][1]

RATING: PG-13 

FANDOM: Final Fantasy VII 

SUMMARY: The real story of Aeris' *ahem* sad demise. 

NOTES: 1. Anti-Aeris, so if that's not your thing £$%^ off. 2. […] denotes Cloud's thoughts. 3. This is part 2 so if you haven't already read part 1 read it now you stupid moron. 4. From this part onwards it contains mild henti ,youi ,and that kind of thing ,so if you don't like that %$^& off 

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing, Squaresoft is god 

Cloud woke up and immediately wished he hadn't .[Now I know how Vincent feels , I'm locked in a coffin] Coincidentally at that moment in time Vincent was quite happy being locked in coffin. This was probably because it was the same coffin as Cloud's and until Cloud had woken up he'd been enjoying some redhot passionate lovein', this was his last resort since Cid dumped him and went and got engaged to Barret . 

So all that day Cloud and Vincent had been avoiding each other. This was because Cloud had spent the whole day trying to slit his wrists with an eraser. 

"Room cleaning service. Piss off while I clean your room!" yelled Cait Sith as he burst in in a maids' outfit.

"Piss off you stupid cat I'm trying to kill myself!" 

"I AM NOT A CAT ,WHY THE $£^%*^^ HELL DOES EVERYBODY THINK I'M A CAT!"

"Your not a cat!* Cloud runs off crying. *"

Later: Tifa "Cloud it's time for the welcome meeting." 

********************************************************************************

In the meeting room:

"Don't worry Cloud, after you've dealt with a few settling-in problems you'll be fine . T.H.E S.L.U.T will look after you !" 

"What!?!?!?!? Aeris , but she's dead ." 

"No! don't be silly it's what this place is called, The Home for Educating Superheroes in the Legitimacy and Understanding of Territories ." 

"So what does that mean?"

"How the hell should I know! Ask Rufus ,he made it!"

"What! But Rufus is dead."

Unnecessary Music: DUN DUN DUH!

Author: "How did Rufus survive? Will I write another part this year or Will I keep you waiting for ages again because I can't think of anything to write? If I keep you waiting for ages again will I be brutally lynched? Will any of these questions be answered in the next episode? Find out in Sink the Pink part 3."

P.S More Aeris bashing next time. I wove u buy buy!

¬_¬ review please.

   [1]: mailto:spirit_in_the_heavens_entrapped@hotmail.com



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